You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
