i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
