My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
