Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
