I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
