But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
