The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
