Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
