I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
