I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
