The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
