I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
