Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
