My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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