Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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