I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
