Need sex. Gaining weight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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