Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
