Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
