it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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