I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize