The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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