My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
