Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
