So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
