Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
