3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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