Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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