just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
