Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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