i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There's even glitter on my cock...
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