im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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