all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
