Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
