why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
