my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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