My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize