hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everclear isn't food dammit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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