Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
