the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
