i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
