I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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