she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
