just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
