Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
