I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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