Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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