I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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