i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
