booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
