8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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