Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
