so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
