Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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