you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
