The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
