My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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