Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
