Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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