So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize