Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
