I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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