She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
