i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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