I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
