Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
