I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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