Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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