One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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