well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
