But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
