i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
