she woke up with a sticky ear
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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