At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
