I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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