I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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