can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
