I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
